Familys That Enable

Watching the Casey Anthony murder trial is a lesson in dysfunctional families. The enabling that goes on in this family is mind-boggling. read more here

Maybe what fascinates a lot of people is that they recognize themselves or others they know in this real-life drama. 

Casey Anthony is beyond being "just a good liar". It is obvious that her parents have had issues with her for a long time. She did not graduate high school and her father admits that she has always "lived on the edge".

Cindy Anthony is the kind of person who tries to control things but also avoids dealing with anything that may be upsetting to her world that she tries to control. Her daughter's pregnancy, for one, was something that the family didn't speak about. Denial is a coping mechanism for some people and Cindy Anthony held onto that denial like a security blanket.

Lee Anthony is obviously someone who needs intensive therapy. Whatever went on in his household affected him deeply. Although he is an adult, he still feels this pain and in order for him to live a happy life, he needs to confront this damage.

Some people are just not able to face reality when a family member behaves badly. They enable their behavior by allowing them to continue it. They may make excuses or pretend all is well. They may try and force their beliefs onto others or demand that things be their way. 
Ultimately, the person who has a problem runs the show and everyone else is sucked into their world.

Casey Anthony's lies and criminal behavior has torn this family apart. Testimony showed that as an unwed mother she frequently took Caylee to a boyfriend's house and spent the night. She lacked the emotional maturity or concern to be a real mother to Caylee and I am sure behind closed doors there were battles about that.

Being that Casey was of legal age, there wasn't too much her parents could do. They enabled her behavior out of fear of losing the granddaughter that they loved.

I have heard stories of young mothers who use their child as pawns with their mothers in particular, in order to get what they want. In Casey's case, she was living rent-free, her parents were supporting her daughter and she came and went as she pleased. 

Her parents seemed to be in fear of being firm with her. Did they create the monster she appears to be? In part, they did but I believe that some people are just born with the potential to be "bad". 


Did they overindulge her and not expect her to be responsible for her own actions? I don't know. Tough love is not called tough because it is easy to do. It takes strength to say no to your child, no matter what their age. Obviously, it is important for parents to speak their minds and demand certain behavior. In this case, life with Casey was probably crazy before she got pregnant out of wedlock. By then, the patterns were set.

Is this what happens when you allow your child to be the center of your world? Parents want to install a certain amount of self-esteem in their child but when you do not teach personal responsibility along with it, are you helping to create a narcissistic monster?

How to break the cycle of dysfunction in a family is not always easy but it will free you from repeating what probably is a long history of dysfunctional behavior.

This family's dynamics have been put under a microscope. It is obvious through public statements that they have made that they all had their "roles" in the family. Cindy tried to have things be a "certain way". Others, like her husband, tried to please her. Things were not talked about the way they would be in other families. This frustrated their son Lee, who eventually grew tired of it. Even though he seems to want to break free of this, he still has this loyalty to the people who caused him so much emotional hurt and damage.

Seeing this unfortunate dissection of a family's dynamics reminds many of us that we have no clue what goes on at the house next door. We also are reminded that none of us are human and sometimes what we think we are doing out of love may be doing more harm than good.

Read more about why enabling is a bad idea 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Severe anxiety can be overcome and the way to successfully treat anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy.

read more about anxiety here

Cognitive behavioral therapy in simple terms means that a trained therapist helps to guide the patient while teaching them new ways of coping with triggers that produce their anxiety symptoms.

For someone with anxiety, even though their fears may seem "unreasonable" they are very real. Sometimes anxiety goes along with post traumatic stress disorder and the reason why a patient may fear something is because of a traumatic event that they experienced.

Facing your fear is absolutely terrifying for someone with severe anxiety. When a patient figures out that anti-anxiety medication is not "curing" the anxiety, therapy is usually where they turn for help.

Living with anxiety is frustrating. You can try stress-reducing techniques in order to learn how to cope better with stress which will lower anxiety symptoms. This can definitely help but ultimately, when you have severe anxiety, you will notice that until you decide to face your fears head on they are not going to go away.

The decision to try cognitive behavioral therapy is a tough one to make. Therapy takes making a commitment towards mental wellness and it is not without pain. If you keep yourself focused on the belief that you will experience some rough emotional episodes while you go through the process of therapy but in the end you will be free, your journey will be easier.

Find the courage to commit to cognitive behavioral therapy by focusing on your ultimate goal- freedom from anxiety. Just think how great it will be to begin life over again without anxiety holding you back.

NAMI article about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

More on what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is

Mental Wellness

In the American culture, not enough is done in the area of preventive care. If you eat healthy foods and exercise, limit alcohol and avoid drugs and smoking, you can avoid conditions like heart disease, obesity, diabetes, cancer and many other chronic conditions.


Studies show that people who take care of their mental wellness deal better with stress and generally live happier lives.

Yoga , meditation, exercise, a hobby or talk therapy can all help you keep mentally balanced. If you do have a mental illness any of these activities can help you to cope and even help you to overcome conditions like anxiety or depressive disorders.

Just as you practice daily hygiene, practice something for your mental wellness daily. As your practice gets to be second-nature, you will feel the change in yourself. It can help you if life throws you something unexpected and it will also enrich your life.

When is a disorder NOT a mental illness?

Awareness is a great thing. Knowing that there is help for when you truly need help and seeking it means that you can go back to feeling "normal" again. (whatever normal is)

The problem today is that sometimes it seems as if there is a disorder for every possible kind of behavior. How are you supposed to know when you need help and what isn't a real disorder?

A psychologist writer friend of mine recently tackled this subject in a way that only he can. Read his article here

There are serious conditions that require treatment but the truth is that just feeling a little "off" sometimes doesn't mean that you are bipolar. Although it is true that having mental illness or substance abuse in your family history does put you at a higher risk for developing a disorder yourself, it doesn't mean that you will.

Some women are moody (most men reading this will not argue) but mood swings in itself are not bipolar. We all go through periods in our lives that cause us to worry and feel more stress. We can sometimes have times of extreme elation; think "falling in love". Does this mean we are experiencing depression, anxiety or a manic episode?

Probably not.

Bipolar disorder (for example) should not be diagnosed based upon a month of ups and downs in your moods. Proper diagnosis of most mental illnesses takes time and careful evaluation. A good doctor will not jump to label a patient.

Most people seek out an evaluation when they are feeling desperate and tired of the way they are feeling. These symptoms, whether they are ones of depression or those of anxiety are usually not good feelings. They disrupt your life and you know that you are in need of help.

Of course if your symptoms such as extremes in moods continue on and off for several months you should see a mental health professional. If you ever (even once) feel like you may hurt yourself or someone else - go to your local emergency room immediately. Do not wait for the feelings to pass. You will get help immediately. 

Mental health awareness and reducing the stigma by talking openly about mental health is great. Remember that with most disorders the symptoms will be continuous for several weeks and may only increase in severity. 

A woman (or man) can be moody without it being a disorder. A sloppy person may just be a sloppy person. Someone who likes things to be "just so" is not necessarily suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. The bottom line is unless it disrupts your life and alters how you live, it probably is your "normal".

Who is at risk for Substance Abuse?

Substance abuse is widespread today mainly because of prescription drugs. Pain pills, sleeping aids, ADHD medication and anxiety medications are widely misused by patients. 

Most patients do not intentionally use prescription drugs to get high; the dependence happens because of a patient's needs. 

The patient who has suffered an injury and is desperate to relieve the pain will find that after several days of taking pain medication as prescribed that they will need to increase their dosage to get the same amount of pain relief.

Weeks will go by and the patient's dependency on the pain medication will cloud how much pain they are actually in. They have become dependent on pain medication. Often their pain may be more manageable but since they have developed a need for the narcotic pain pill they may think that they are still in pain.

This is just one of the dangers of prescription medications that have addictive properties.

Anti-anxiety medications like Xanax can have the same affect. A patient can become so dependent on Xanax that although they may not feel anxious, they will find themselves suffering from withdrawal if they skip a dose. They take a pill to avoid the discomfort of the withdrawal and the cycle of needing to take more to control their anxiety coupled with keeping withdrawal symptoms at bay makes a dangerous combination.

Withdrawal from Xanax can be emotionally, psychologically and physically painful. It can take from several months to a year to fully get the drug out of your system. It depends on how long you have been taking Xanax and how much you take. 

Another prescription with addictive tendencies are sleeping aids. Insomnia can ruin your life and the person who cannot get sleep like those in pain or with anxiety is just desperate to get some rest. Sleep aids can be a good thing but because of their addictive tendencies, they also can fool you into thinking that you need them. Often you do because your body gets so used to taking them that your insomnia may actually worsen if you try and skip a night without taking them. 

If you find that after several weeks you cannot sleep without taking a prescription sleep aid, you need to see your doctor and talk about other options. 

The other prescription drug that is widely misused are stimulants that are prescribed for attention deficit disorder. The stimulant medications will help you to focus better but some people find that they become more productive when taking them and before long, take them to keep up that level of energy and focus. 

For patients who have anxiety, insomnia, ADD, or pain, looking towards alternative therapies to help you cope is one way of avoiding the risk of addiction to prescription drugs. 

Withdrawal can be a painful process and if you are not dealing with the real problem, taking prescription drugs will only serve as a mask to what is really going on. 

Natural remedies like vitamin supplements and herbs are not addicting. Using natural remedies in combination with stress-reduction techniques, alternative therapies such as massage, acupuncture and meditation and cognitive behavior therapy can help you cope with these issues that may make your doctor pull out his prescription pad. 

Especially if you have other medical conditions that require maintenance, lowering your risk of substance abuse and dependency will make your overall health better. 

Remember that substance abuse addiction is a treatable disease. Just like mental illness, there should be no shame in admitting that you need help to get over addiction. It is a battle that can be won if you are serious about receiving help for your addiction.


 Five ways to deal with a substance abuse addict

Anxiety Treatment Options

A typical anxiety sufferer does not usually realize that it is anxiety that is causing their symptoms. Many people find themselves in the emergency room of their local hospital or at their primary care physician's office complaining of heart palpitations, shortness of breath or just a feeling that "something" is horribly wrong.

Many feel embarrassed to find out that the cause of their symptoms is due to anxiety. There is nothing is be ashamed about; the truth is that many people experience anxiety at some point in their lives. Having anxiety symptoms severe enough to cause a person to seek medical attention is also not uncommon.

In order to effectively treat anxiety, a patient needs to become proactive in their treatment. We are conditioned to believe that our doctor has a pill for anything. Many times the way traditional medicine views dealing with a patient's symptoms is not the best way to treat the illness.

Anxiety is treatable and studies prove that taking pharmaceutical drugs alone is not the way to do it.

We live in a hectic world and if you begin to feel like you are "losing control", it may be time to take a step back, recognize the anxiety that has become a part of your life and take steps to help yourself.

Hypnosis for Anxiety Control

Anxiety is irrational fears that threaten to consume a person until they are powerless over them.

After suffering from anxiety for years and trying "traditional" treatments, I discovered that there was a better way to overcome anxiety.

I had tried several anti-anxiety medications over the years and the results were always the same. After an initial period of side effects, the medication would help my symptoms for a period of about 3 months. The doctor would then increase the dosage and after a few more months I would wean myself off the drug.

When taking anti-depressants, I would always get to a place where I just felt emotionally numb. My sex life would suffer and I often felt depressed. I needed Xanax to sleep and on some days, I needed Xanax just to get through the stress of a work day.

Once I finally said no more medications and allowed my body to become free of the pharmaceutical drugs, I began to feel things again. It wasn't all pretty. I cried a lot. My anger sometimes was hard to manage. What really began to work for me was a combination of things.

I started to regularly take B-stress vitamins twice a day. I cut out coffee except for one cup a day.

I started to read a self-help book for overcoming anxiety. Most importantly, I decided to conquer my anxiety.

Believe it or not ( I sometimes still don't) I found hypnosis really made me turn a corner and get on the road to really finally beating anxiety.

Hypnosis is something that has always interested me. I read many books on it and was fortunate enough to have a friend who is certified (and also a psychologist). He first hypnotized me over the phone. YES. Over the phone.

He spoke to me and although I cannot quote what he said, I listened and all he asked was that I stay open to what he was saying.

After he was done, we hung up and I felt an inner "glow". I slept like a baby that night but for the next 2 days, I felt miserable. Moody is the best way to describe it.

Then on the 3rd day, I woke up and it was like the sun was shining for the first time ever. I felt glowing again. Soon it was time to put the hypnosis to a test. I had to be a passenger in my hubby's car in order to go see a concert with my daughter. I hate the Garden State Parkway. I have for a long time. Riding with my husband is another anxiety producing event. Although I was excited about making my daughter's dream come true to see a concert with her favorite Green Day, getting there was my issue.

Long story short, the ride was enjoyable. I didn't experience the all-too-familiar panic that I used to. I felt relaxed and almost excited. When we arrived I excitedly texted my doctor friend and thanked him. He reminded me that I held the power over the voice.

As time goes by, I remember the techniques that he taught me. I still get days where I am anxious for no apparent reason. I am not 100% "over" my anxiety. I am winning the battle though. When I am in a car and I start to feel those familiar feelings, I let them run their course. I do not give them room to breed and I focus my energy elsewhere. I use breathing to calm myself.

I don't try to fight with the voice that wants me to feel fear. I am stronger than it is. Sometimes it is like taking baby steps but I keep focused on my goal and I reach it. I don't let my anxiety cripple me like it used to.

If you suffer from anxiety, find the practice that is going to allow you to find your power. Practice it daily. Even if you are feeling good; don't ignore the practice. It will become a routine and your power over anxiety will grow stronger until one day, anxiety will be so far in your past that you will forget it ever existed.

Tracking Your Symptoms

Diagnosing mental illness takes time and skill. There are many psychiatrists but some will rush to diagnose which can be harmful to a patient.

To make sure that you don't get too quick of a diagnosis, track your symptoms.

You do not need to spend money on a fancy calendar, a simple notebook will do. No matter what, every single day write down something.

If you are a female, note if you are premenstrual. If you take vitamins or any supplements, write it down.

Write down how you slept. Write down what you ate or drank. Track your moods.

You may experience highs and lows in your moods. Even if these highs and lows occur within one 24 hour period- write it all down.

Whatever else may be going on in your life, at your job, with your relationships, anything in your life matters so log it!

Getting an appointment to have an evaluation often takes a few weeks. You can start the work towards getting a proper diagnosis by tracking your symptoms as soon as you decide that you may need help.

Bring this notebook with you to your mental health evaluation. This will be a valuable tool for your doctor to help determine why you are feeling the way that you are. He/she will be able to guide you towards the help that you need.

Remember that you know yourself best. If you feel that something is off and you feel a lack of control over it, there is help out there that can get you back to feeling good again.

How Divorce Affects Your Child's Mental Health

You are going through a divorce and although emotionally you feel drained, have you noticed how it is affecting your children?

Your child who was normally well-behaved, may become defiant due to the changes going on in the household. The child who seems to be adjusting just fine to your divorce may actually be holding their feelings inside, afraid to open up.

It is completely normal for children to blame themselves for their parents divorce. If parents are unable to keep their children out of their personal battle it will only further damage the children.

While it can be devastating to face up to the fact that your marriage is over, imagine how your child feels. To your children, their entire world is being ripped apart. What has been "normal" for them is now changing. Their sense of security is threatened and that can lead to anxiety and depression. Children most definitely can suffer from anxiety and depression.

If a parent fails to acknowledge their child's mental health issues, it can lead to more serious problems. 

Divorce is not just about a man and a woman ending their relationship. When a divorcing couple has children, they are affected also and often more seriously than the adults are.

Don't ignore your child's feelings at this time. Sit down and talk to them about how life will be different after the divorce and reassure them that they can come to you. Keep your personal feelings about your soon-to-be ex OUT of the conversation. Bad mouthing your spouse to your children is just wrong. YOU are hurting YOUR child by doing this.

Look for changes in your child's eating, sleeping and behavioral habits. Talk to their teacher or childcare provider about what is going on in your home. If you notice changes- get your child to a counselor who can help.

Having your child speak to a professional who they will see as someone safe that they can tell their feelings to can help them adjust to the life changes. Remember, your child did not ask for their family to break apart. Sometimes divorce is inevitable and although you may feel that it is "for the best", it still is a change that your child may not be able to understand. 

Children can learn to cope with the changes that divorce can bring. BOTH parents should do their best to put their personal issues aside and put their child's needs first in order to ensure that the child's mental health and well-being is taken care of.

You and your children can come through divorce and begin a new life with few scars. Be aware of your child's feelings and have respect for them.

For more about divorce read these articles

The Emotional Stages of Divorce 

How to Find Mental Health Care for Your Child or Teen